apologies for the absence.

I cannot believe how long i have been away from this blog. Luckily my passion for the subject never faltered in any way, i just got caught up in the humdrum of day to day life and did sadly neglect a lot of my passions. Until i caught up with a lovely old friend who reignited a fire inside me.

I had some trouble earlier in the year with a horrible man who sadly dented my self worth, its not often i allow my self worth to become damaged by other people, but i did, it took a bruising. Although it wasn’t to do with my physical self this time, it was my personality he attacked. And that is something i am less familiar with mending. I am used to being called a ‘fat bitch’ but having all my most negative personality traits laid out in front of me was harrowing. Especially because they were all true. Every last one. I personally, secretly, counted and accepted them as my faults. And the fact this person had not only identified them too, but used them against me, devastated me. And all i could think was, ‘if this is true, who WILL love me? Who would want to be with someone like that?’ I let those words, those traits, those faults, completely consume me.

I decided to attack it exactly how i would fix it if it were an attack on my body. I have learnt that i am fat, i can not only deal with that, i can embrace it. For fat is not all i am, and why should it be? In terms of my physical self, though some people may see me as fat first and foremost, i am also a great number of other things, i am tall, i am freckly, i am a brunette, so why would i let one trait, cloud the others? Why would i let the fact that i am ‘jealous, over sensitive, emotional, over analytical and neurotic’ cloud the fact that i am also kind, thoughtful, considerate, warm, welcoming, confident, humble, content, passionate, empathetic and generous amongst other things. And with that i accepted the fact i am ALL of those things and my negative traits do not define me. I am a great person and i am worthy. And others cannot see that, that’s their problem, not mine.

 

 

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